


a tangled knot of love and loss

by inquisitor_tohru



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Aaravos Being a Little Shit (The Dragon Prince), Angst, Character Study, Complicated Relationships, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Introspection, POV Soren (The Dragon Prince), Post-Hearts of Cinder (The Dragon Prince), Prophetic Dreams, Soren Needs a Hug (The Dragon Prince)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:28:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26447830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inquisitor_tohru/pseuds/inquisitor_tohru
Summary: He wanted to believe it meantsomethingthat his father hadn't enchanted him, hadn'tchangedhim against his will. But even if it did, and even if it broke Claudia's heart, he knew he couldn't stay.
Relationships: Claudia & Soren & Viren (The Dragon Prince), Claudia & Soren (The Dragon Prince), Soren & Viren (The Dragon Prince)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24
Collections: Fic In A Box





	a tangled knot of love and loss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [igrockspock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/igrockspock/gifts).



> Source for the title is the spell Viren used to create the weapon that defeated Avizandum: _"Etah fo nopaew a htiw efil niard ot, ssol dna evol fo tonk delgnat a tsiwt,"_ or _"Twist a tangled knot of love and loss, to drain life with a weapon of hate."_

Soren didn't want to sleep that night. He kept remembering Prince Kasef, and the molten lava now pulsing through his veins, glowing orange-red through cracks in clay-like skin. Kasef might have been stubborn and arrogant, and maybe he didn't deserve a horse with such kind eyes, but he _had_ deserved better than to be turned into a monster. They all had, but Soren had been the only one allowed to make the choice for himself. He wanted to believe it meant _something_ that his father hadn't enchanted him, hadn't _changed_ him against his will. But even if it did, and even if it broke Claudia's heart, he knew he couldn't stay. So he rode through the night, at breakneck pace, without stopping to eat or make camp. He sipped stale water from his canteen, and that would be enough for now.

There were times, more frequent of late, when Soren had wondered what his life might have been like if he'd made a different decision, all those years ago. If he'd chosen his mother, if he and Claudia had gone north to live with her family in Del Bar instead of remaining in Katolis. If, if, _if._ But at the time all that mattered was that _Dad had saved him._ He hadn't known the price of dark magic back then, but now he'd begun to think that maybe Mom had good reasons for leaving. It was kind of difficult to focus on Dad telling jokes over breakfast as he and Claudia ate her extra fluffy pancakes and sipped cups of hot brown morning potion, when he'd literally seen him use stolen magic to create an army of monsters.

Then there was the matter of his (not so) little bug pal.

Soren couldn't recall when the little purple caterpillar - he was _pretty_ sure it was a caterpillar - had first appeared. At first he'd thought it was just another critter kept for its magical properties, destined for some potion or spell, but he could have sworn he'd heard it whisper in his father's ear as they rode together. He'd put it down to a combination of a long and boring march and an overactive imagination, but when his father returned from the Sunfire Elves' stronghold in Lux Aurea with it coiled around his neck...well, Soren wasn't sure of anything anymore.

He couldn't even be sure of his sister. He missed Claudia already, and they'd barely been apart half a day. When he asked her to join him, he'd expected the answer she gave, but if he hadn't asked he'd have regretted it for the rest of his days - however many of them he might have left once his father's army caught up. Still, he followed the princes' trail, because he _owed_ them, and because he hadn't forgotten Callum's friendship, or Ezran's courage and kind words. Because he wanted to be the Crowns Guard that Ezran believed he was, and not the mute, unquestioning muscle that his father seemed to favour.

Soren's mount slowed and, briefly, he worried that he'd pushed the war horse too hard, before he realised that it was for his benefit. His armor felt thrice its usual weight, and his eyelids drooped as he leaned forward, resting his cheek against the horse's coarse mane in lieu of a pillow.

* * *

He woke up in his bed, the scent of hot brown morning potion and sweet, syrupy pancakes drifting into his bedroom - far more organised than usual despite him having no memory of tidying it. Weird, perhaps, but relatively harmless. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for what awaited him downstairs.

Claudia had already set a place at the table for him, with the customary stack of pancakes, which was all well and good. She'd forgotten the cream in his hot brown morning potion, but that was no big deal. The giant purple caterpillar with dragon-like horns sitting in his father's seat at the head of the table, on the other hand, _was_ a pretty big deal. His mandibles made an awful clacking sound as he gobbled up his extra fluffy pancakes.

"Truly delicious, Claudia. You've outdone yourself." His voice was deep and velvety and entirely wrong for a bug, even if Soren was willing to suspend his disbelief regarding _talking bugs._ Claudia beamed at the giant caterpillar, seemingly oblivious to the fact that, to her left, their father's face was covered in butterflies. To be more precise, he was being smothered by hundreds of Sunray Monarchs, and all Soren could see of him was his eyes, like two great black holes. He didn't _look_ like Dad _,_ but somehow Soren just _knew._ His breakfast remained untouched, but Claudia moved to refill his cup anyway, until it overflowed and stained the tablecloth.

His father remained perfectly still throughout the debacle (Soren remembered him using that word during a particularly disastrous attempt at dinner a couple of years ago), save for the gentle shuffling of the Sunray Monarchs' wings. Soren felt like he might throw up.

"Aww, Sor-bear, aren't you hungry?" How could Claudia remain so chipper, even now? Soren looked down at his plate, which, in almost any other circumstances, would have been an appealing sight.

"Yes," the caterpillar said, still chomping away on his seemingly never ending supply of pancakes, mandibles twitching as he spoke, "if you follow your sister's example, you, too, would be a great asset to your father." Soren didn't look up. He didn't want to look at the not so little, not so pally bug.

"I don't want to be anybody's _ass_ -et, thank you." His father's head began to turn, slowly, and three moon moths fluttered out from his mouth.

* * *

Then Soren woke for a second time, this time finding himself in a less familiar, but far more comforting cavern on the outskirts of what could only have been the Midnight Desert that Claudia had been telling him about, less than a day ago. His horse dozed where she stood, even beneath Soren's weight. She was such a strong, beautiful creature, and he'd be sorry to see her off when he reached the foot of the mountain, but it was for the best. She might have been bred as a warhorse, but Soren saw now that she had no place in this war - a war that began with and would, in all likelihood, end with his father.

He tried not to puzzle over the dream breakfast - well, more like nightmare breakfast, really. It was probably nothing more than a combination of the day's events and bad cheese. And on the off-chance that it _did_ mean anything more, it wasn't as though he'd be the one to figure it out. After all, if Soren had ever shown even the slightest aptitude for magic or analysis...surely _then_ his father would have found enough pride for both his children? He might have saved Soren's life once, but that didn't mean it was his to keep in his pocket and do as he pleased with. Soren's life was his _own,_ and he was going to do as _he_ pleased.

And, right now, that meant righting as many of his wrongs as he was able to.

He'd begin with Callum, he decided, glad for the opportunity to take his mind off the awful dream he'd had - even if it was to interrogate a tangled web of emotions. Callum _was_ smaller, weaker, and definitely _slower_ than he was, but that didn't make it okay. He was supposed to have been a mentor and a friend to the elder prince, and he'd fallen short on both counts. He'd had the chance to start making things right with Ezran when he snuck him and that glow toad out in the cart, and now he needed to settle things with Callum, too.

He felt another pang of guilt as he thought of Claudia, and how she probably wouldn't have the chance to make amends. Because despite everything, he knew she cared about the princes. All _three_ of them. But their father had poisoned her mind, and Soren hadn't been able to find the antidote. He wanted to believe there was still time, that as long as they both lived there was hope that she'd wriggle free of Dad's influence. He really, _really_ wanted to.

But if he'd learned anything from his dad, it was that what he wanted didn't matter.


End file.
